Slopmaxxing

Every day, I post on X. I line up my snacks and my energy drink and I post. I’m a lean, mean posting machine.

I can post for hours. Every now and then I get up to take a piss, or just to walk around the room, but I’m still looking at my phone. Blue light glasses make it a lot less dangerous for your eyes.

On top form, I can publish more than twelve posts an hour. Of course, I could post a lot more. I could publish twelve posts in twelve minutes if I wanted to. I could just post War and Peace 280 characters at a time. But I need to think about quality as well as quantity. I need to think about what will provoke people — what will encourage them to engage with the things I post.

I have several accounts which I shuffle between. First, I start to post from “@GloryoftheWest”. My display picture is a statue of Hercules. (I found it on Wikimedia.) Here, I post videos from Western European cities, showing migrant crime and social dysfunction. Above them, I post captions like “The usual suspects”, or “Islam is taking over”, or “The West has fallen”.

Picture credit: juanedc, via Wikimedia, published under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

Sometimes, to shake things up, I post images of Europe in the early 1900s, with captions like “What we’ve lost”. At other times, I post videos of classical music or beautiful women with captions like “This is what we’re fighting for”. The videos of beautiful women tend to do a lot better than the videos of classical music.

Every few months, I post a picture of Dresden in the 1930s with the caption “Dresden in the 1930s”. I’m not quite sure what this means but it’s always effective.

Another of my accounts is “@DebunkingWokeness”. My profile picture is a woman screaming at the inauguration of Donald Trump in 2016. Here, I post videos of loud women with blue hair, or of trans people before and after they transition.

@DebunkingWokeness is my largest account. I have more than 200,000 followers. I often get thousands of reposts and tens of thousands of likes. When I see another account post videos of left-wing people being strange, I download their footage and recycle it myself.

Elon Musk follows me. Often, he replies to my posts with something like “Wow” or “!!!”. It is exciting. I get a lot of engagements from him. I am not sure what he’s doing reading my posts instead of making robot cars. But that’s his business.

Of course, maximising output means that I can’t always verify information. Once, I saw a small account claiming that he had found the Instagram account of a spree killer who the media had reported had an African name. I shared the information, but it turned out that there can be more than one African person with the name Kwadwo.

Ah well. People soon forgot about it. Except for Kwadwo, perhaps. Sorry, Kwadwo.

“@RoastiesTakingLs” has a similar theme. Here, I post about unfaithful and promiscuous women — cartoons about them, skits about them and screenshotted Reddit posts about them. This account is also extremely popular.

Posts on this account come in two distinct forms: posts about young women having lots of fun having sex with handsome and charismatic men and posts about older woman being unhappy and alone. I need to keep a balance between these two themes to keep my audience interested.

Followers of this account seem to have a lot of problems getting girlfriends and wives. This is fine with me because it means they have a lot more time to engage with my account.

Picture credit: whatever via YouTube

A fourth account is @GettingLitCoin. Here, I post about crypto-currencies. “WOW,” I’ll say, “Dogecoin is going TO THE MOON.” People who set up their own crypto-currencies often pay me to promote them. This works out for everyone — except perhaps our followers.

On @GettingLitCoin, I also post about Elon Musk. I like to share his posts with “crying with laughter” emojis, or to post random supportive comments like, “Elon Musk is saving money for Americans and the left think he is Hitler 🤣🤣🤣”. Sometimes, Elon will reply with his own “crying with laughter” emojis.

Some of my accounts are a bit more niche. “ObedientOlivia” posts about being a traditional Christian wife in an age of feminism and degeneracy. I like to intersperse posts about how modern women are decadent sluts with images of cakes and cookies I have supposedly cooked. People have begun to realise that these pictures come from elsewhere on the internet, so I may have to wrap up this account and claim something like that I’ve decided posting on X is not in keeping with being a demure housewife.

Another controversial account is “@LittleGoyBlue”. Here, I post about Jews: Jewish politicians, Jewish journalists, Jewish celebrities and Jewish academics. I’d post about Jewish dentists if I had an excuse. What can I say? People love posts about Jews.

X has been great for me in the last couple of years. Being able to monetise these X accounts has allowed me to turn posting into a full-time job. One account might not be all that profitable but put them together and it has the makings of a nice little business. Elon trying to make X into the “everything account” also helps. Demanding that the algorithm depresses the reach of links ensures that people are not going to leave and waste their time on longer and more reflective content. People are stuck here with me.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m soulless. I’m opportunistic. I’m appealing to the lowest common denominator, and enabling the commercial and ideological ambitions of richer and more powerful men.

Or am I just successful? You liked posting on X — sorry, Twitter — when you were a rare dissenting voice in a sea of smug left-wing blue ticks. You liked being mischievously esoteric to avoid judgement from the hegemonic forces of cancellation. Now that right-wingers can post what they like, though — now that we can actually take over platforms — you’re too cool. Too sophisticated.

Stick it up your ass. I’m a capitalist. I believe in the free market. If consumers want a product then I’m going to sell it to them. You don’t like it? Take it up with them. Or sell something that people want to buy.

It is late in Jakarta. I take a sip of Red Bull and look through the window. The Indonesian skyline does not look half as real as the posts on my screen.

I turn to my last account: “@shockmastergeneral”. It is where I post about professional wrestling. I have 234 followers. I love it.